I’m thinking that upon achieving super-stud status (happening any day now, btw), I’ll be employing the semi-controversial Bill Murray S.O.P. for dealing with everyday situations: FUCK EVERYBODY!
I have been far too accommodating to the pedestrian individuals I am forced to interact with on a daily basis; the passive-aggressive geriatric Walmart greeter whose singular, disposable use to me is directions to the boxed Merlot. Then there's Floyd, my overzealous, self-righteous, self-entitled landlord. Not to mention Cynthia at American Express with her droning, judgmental questioning of my purchasing habits (maybe I want to charge my entire team’s hockey fees before declaring bankruptcy!). But how do I respond? I swallow my hate and burp, "Yes sir, yes ma'am, you are right. I guess I was in your way!" Screw that shit, it's tea-bagging time. I am a white, male for fuck'sake. Why am I stuck nurturing and dish-washing? Well, no longer will I sit passively by as my country turns into a huge cesspool of a Hitler-loving-Stalin-following-perfect-storm-of-fascist-communism. Polar opposites, my ass. It's not like I put myself in this dilly on my own. It's time for America to be American again. If I can't eat it, I sure as hell better be able to fuck it.
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