-How rude of me. Would you like a cold beer too?
-So how does that zipper work there fella?
-Remember that scene from Fargo when Steve Buscemi and Peter Stormare got pulled? Did not end well…just sayin’.
-What’s that big stick on your belt for?
-You didn’t happen to find that crack rock I dropped out a sec ago did ya?
-Now I bet you’re gonna tell me that there’s a law against masturbating in front of high schools. Really. Oh.
-I bet your mom is a really good kisser.
-Of course I’ve been drinking. If alcohol impairs your judgment, how should I know any better than not to drive?!
-Is this going to take a while? I gotta let that kid in my basement out of his cage for a potty break.
-Can you give me a police escort? I gotta get home for Bob’s Burgers!
-You’d be swerving too if you had a car full of sado masochistic midgets smoking hash while a cop was following you.
-So…you are not gonna give me back my pot then?
-I really think it’s a bad idea for me to open my trunk especially given the judgmental disposition you’ve displayed thus far.
-Can you make change for a ten? There’s no way I bribing you more than 5 bucks.
-The thing about my license is that I left it in my other pants…that are on the floor in your daughter’s room. You want me to call her really quick?
-Open container? My bad *GULP*, more like empty container. Happy now?
-Don’t tell me I left my kid in his car seat on the roof again. That’s twice in one week!
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