You know how it's 99% disgusting to throw-up? It stinks, burns, splashes everywhere, makes your eyes water, and cramps up your stomach muscles. BUT, there is the 1%. That far corner of your mind that you don't want to admit is there in the middle of your five alarm fire of hot mess. It is the part that is enjoying the vomiting process. Hopefully, my blog is that 1% .

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

If Don Draper was zapped to 2011, here’s some shit he would NEVER do:

Carry around a bottle of spring water.
Listen to Nickleback.
Wear a helmet under any circumstance.
Be self-deprecating.
Text. Unless while driving.
Not, not have a lot sex.
Chew Nicorette.
Line dance.
Reconsider objectifying women.
Drive a Kia Sportage.
Wear a Tommy Bahama’s shirt.
Sport a beanie.
Apply Axe Body Spray.
Pull out (fuck you, you’re preggo).
Comprehend why he got arrested for driving with a blood-alcohol level of 0.18

Thursday, November 10, 2011


If chickens were smart they would eat big ass sticks of dynamite and as Farmer John's axe dropped and lopped off their heads it would detonate in his face and kill him and his dog Roscoe in a poultricide so vile and hellbent, it would serve as a warning to all the heartless, selfish meaters from Atlanta to San Diego and make them think twice before they assume that they are top of the food chain. But chickens are stupid so the explosion would probably just make them taste even more delicious.