You know how it's 99% disgusting to throw-up? It stinks, burns, splashes everywhere, makes your eyes water, and cramps up your stomach muscles. BUT, there is the 1%. That far corner of your mind that you don't want to admit is there in the middle of your five alarm fire of hot mess. It is the part that is enjoying the vomiting process. Hopefully, my blog is that 1% .

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Ocean

I was watching this show on the Discovery Channel and they were saying that besides humans, dolphins are the only other animal on the planet that have sex for pleasure so I started thinking that if I could somehow pull off fucking a dolphin, it might just be the best sex anyone or thing could ever achieve. But it's really bumming me out because the logistics seem too hard to overcome. When you think about it, there are a lot of obstacles: For example; Have you ever tried to swim in the ocean with a boner? It looks way easier than it actually is. Your dick just drags you straight down. And if you get stung by a jellyfish, just how the hell are you supposed to pee on your own dick? That means, you gotta find a really good friend to pee on your penis but not for pleasure. Ya know, just to save your life. Then there's also the issue of leverage. Dolphins seem pretty slippery and I'm sure I could drown really easily. And another thing, I'm not completely confident that I know exactly where a dolphin's vagina is located. I don't think they have pubes, which by the way is super hot, but I think they would significantly help me locate it. Plus knowing dolphins the way I do, they would probably set me up with a gay one and I would probably only find out after he blew me. I guess there's also the fact that I'm barely turned on by dolphins. Speaking of the sea, who the Hell came up with the idea of a mermaid? I know, let's have a totally hot chick, get her topless and make her impossible to fuck. It was probably some obnoxious dude's obnoxious wife's idea. I guess I kinda like the fact that you can't hear her complaining underwater. Gregory, I am sick and tired of handjobs. Gregory, why don't you leave me alone and find a nice girl. Gregory, you can try all you want, but I don't even have an asshole. But all you hear is "bbbbbllllluuuurrrrrbbbbbbbbb". Wait, do mermaids have assholes? They hafta right? Or else they would totally get fat and no one would ever want to fuck them but not be able to.

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