You know how it's 99% disgusting to throw-up? It stinks, burns, splashes everywhere, makes your eyes water, and cramps up your stomach muscles. BUT, there is the 1%. That far corner of your mind that you don't want to admit is there in the middle of your five alarm fire of hot mess. It is the part that is enjoying the vomiting process. Hopefully, my blog is that 1% .

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Pants on Fire


I have a 10 inch penis.

I once blessed the Pope (then he sneezed).

I can out stare the sun.

Clint Eastwood once made my day.

I chop down trees on Arbor Day then replant them.

I talk shit about Perez Hilton.

When Google wants to know something, they call me.

I die on Good Friday, come back on Easter and give Jesus the credit.

I was a model for Abercrombie and Fitch but got fired for looking too good.

I don’t know what my ring tone is because I answer my phone before it rings.

I caught the most interesting man on Earth reading my journal looking for ideas. I gave him a dos G’s because I don’t hate.

They make number one pencils for me exclusively and instead of lead, they are filled with a diamonds.

I am the reason Mike Tyson got fat.

I will solve the conflict in the Middle East after I finish watching Season 1 of Archer. That shit is just funny.
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