October 26, 2010
What took so long? Just the other day, I seized upon a golden opportunity to not only quench my thirst but also help out some industrious little fuckheads and bought some “lemonade” from a local stand. Talk about tart! In fairness, I’m not exactly expecting Hot Dog on a Stick quality, but Jesus Country Time Christ, is nobody on my block responsible for quality control? That’s 50 cents I’m not getting back. Or is it? I just found out, it’s now open season in a new litigious world and anyone north of fetus status is game. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure you can sue an embryo at conception if you are crafty enough and still hung over. I’m all in favor of letting kids be kids but that doesn’t mean those little dill munchers are getting a free pass if they fart when I tickle them. God forbid they piss on me too and they may as well be punching my ticket to a South Beach vaca.
At this point you may be asking what’s the point of suing a shorty. I agree, it’s not exactly like these snot faced bastards are rolling in duckets but they have other valuable resources: If you’re both a Lego fan and a Harry Potter fan (and who isn’t, really) the Lego Harry Potter Hogwarts Castle is a must have. It’s not only huge, but with 10 minifigs, kids can practically film their own animated movie with it! All you gotta do is trip on a block and that motherfucker is yours fair and square. And how about this? Imagine if a skate board and a Razor Scooter had a baby (I’m sure you can sue it too). The result would be something called the Razor Sole Skate. Holy shit, I can’t wait for my next visit with my reckless nephews. That bitch will be in the garage.