You know how it's 99% disgusting to throw-up? It stinks, burns, splashes everywhere, makes your eyes water, and cramps up your stomach muscles. BUT, there is the 1%. That far corner of your mind that you don't want to admit is there in the middle of your five alarm fire of hot mess. It is the part that is enjoying the vomiting process. Hopefully, my blog is that 1% .

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Z to A on 1 Foot

Why can’t I ever catch a break? I was poisoned for christsakes! And look, I threw up all over my new $750 Evisu Ninja jeans! Lesson learned if I do say so myself. Sure you can argue that I brought it on myself but is that really true? Is it? I think not. How am I supposed to stop drinking when everybody knows that drinking impairs your judgement, so if I did stop drinking wouldn’t my judgement have been good thereby rendering it unimpaired? It’s not like I’m a superhero even though I am wearing a cape. Oh yeah, the tights too...but they looked awesome in the store. They have high definition lighting or something. I swear to god I woulda bought a shirt made of raw macaroni in that place. My point is you can’t win officer. And what was I doing behind the wheel? Well look, I can’t justify that but I can tell you I was earnestly trying to get home without running into you. I feel like you are really judging me right now and I’ve had a couple of setbacks recently. Yes, I think I really know now what it means to be personally responsible but obviously this is NOT one of those times. What I am trying to say is that since we’ve met, I don’t know if you call it male bonding or what but I feel this energy between us and I wonder what you would do if I leaned in and gave you a small sweet kiss just south of your perfect manicured lawn of a mustache. While it may not be the most original accessory for someone in your line of work, you really have found a way to make it work for you and make it your own. It is glorious sir. Oh, you are right, there does appear to be a deer halfway through my windshield. Well, I can totally explain that.

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