Last night my buddies and I were having a great night at the rink playing hockey. Then Todd farted and my life changed forever:
Now, no one else can fart for 100 years
I think he changed my gender
I am now unable to parallel park
I am now unable to differentiate between laughing at and laughing with
I mix metaphors
I can no longer conjugate a verb in simple present tense
My semen has the same cleavage ratings as basalt
My right foot grew 2 sizes
I forgot how to drive a manual transmission
I think Justin Bieber has chops
My left nut registers 1 degree warmer than my right one
I ate a Double Down from KFC and lived to tell the tale
I can disobey the law of gravity by throwing a puck in the air and clapping the Star Spangled Banner in Braille
I gutted a Swedish fish with a hairpin
I can no longer see the color blue
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