You know how it's 99% disgusting to throw-up? It stinks, burns, splashes everywhere, makes your eyes water, and cramps up your stomach muscles. BUT, there is the 1%. That far corner of your mind that you don't want to admit is there in the middle of your five alarm fire of hot mess. It is the part that is enjoying the vomiting process. Hopefully, my blog is that 1% .

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Last night my buddies and I were having a great night at the rink playing hockey. Then Todd farted and my life changed forever:

Now, no one else can fart for 100 years

I think he changed my gender

I am now unable to parallel park

I am now unable to differentiate between laughing at and laughing with

I mix metaphors

I can no longer conjugate a verb in simple present tense

My semen has the same cleavage ratings as basalt

My right foot grew 2 sizes

I forgot how to drive a manual transmission

I think Justin Bieber has chops

My left nut registers 1 degree warmer than my right one

I ate a Double Down from KFC and lived to tell the tale

I can disobey the law of gravity by throwing a puck in the air and clapping the Star Spangled Banner in Braille

I gutted a Swedish fish with a hairpin

I can no longer see the color blue

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