You know how it's 99% disgusting to throw-up? It stinks, burns, splashes everywhere, makes your eyes water, and cramps up your stomach muscles. BUT, there is the 1%. That far corner of your mind that you don't want to admit is there in the middle of your five alarm fire of hot mess. It is the part that is enjoying the vomiting process. Hopefully, my blog is that 1% .

Friday, July 22, 2011

This is what happens in the locker room.

To be read with an English accent.

Jordan: Indeed sir. Well it’s nice to make your acquaintance kind bedfellow.

Garrett: Likewise, yes indeed, indeed again, yes indeed. Why I have never, if I may be so bold, I say, I have never engaged in this fine activity know as, how does one say? Indeed, I believe it to be referred to as, ASSPLAY.

Jordan: Really, my oh my, okay, let’s get started.

Garrett: Oh my word. I never could have imagined. Wow, fine young man. That is a tough position you have put me in.

Jordan: Well, that does appear to be the object my good man. If perhaps, Mr. Man, I can get you to hold still a moment longer, I will “wash my hands as it were.”

Garrett: Oh, indeed I hope this doesn’t offend, but the pleasure/pain threshold is being compromised at this very moment, good sir.

Jordan: What’s my name BITCH???

Garrett: I’m sorry kind sir, can you please repeat?

Jordan: Oh, the apology is all mine good neighbor, I’m afraid I broke character for a brief moment.

Garrett: Quite alright. Indeed, I understand. You found yourself in a position of power. Who could blame you in this circumstance?

Jordan: Quite, quite.

Garrett: May I interrupt for the briefest of moments?

Jordan: Naturally.

Garrett: Is it normal to be losing this much blood? I hate to appear selfish, but I must insist that we cease all activity, for I feel light headed and nauseous.

Jordan: I can assure you kind sir, that all you’re feeling will go away in a moment, once I, as one does in this particular circumstance, I believe it is known by some as, um, “drop the hammer”.

Garrett: Okay then good chap, proceed forthrightly with all good intentions.

Jordan: Just one moment kind sir, for this cannot be rushed by any means or I may be obliged to start the entire ritual from the start.

Garrett: My sincerest apologies.

Jordan: Not at all. Do not give it another thought.

Garrett: Well, you were the one making a whole big thing of it.

Jordan: My sincerest apologies. Oh NO!

Garrett: What, may I ask, happened?

Jordan: I seemed to have ejaculated prematurely. Now it is I who must apologize.

Garrett: FUCK YOU JORDAN! That is gross!

Jordan: Now onto the salad tossing.

Garrett: Fine.

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