You know how it's 99% disgusting to throw-up? It stinks, burns, splashes everywhere, makes your eyes water, and cramps up your stomach muscles. BUT, there is the 1%. That far corner of your mind that you don't want to admit is there in the middle of your five alarm fire of hot mess. It is the part that is enjoying the vomiting process. Hopefully, my blog is that 1% .

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Too Far

My ass has been really itchy lately. There’s no other way to say it. I know this happens to everyone at some point but Jesus Christ, I can’t get any relief. Don’t come at me like I don’t have a thorough cleansing strategy either because that is bullshit. I use baby-wipes, I dab-not wipe, I don’t force out involuntary hostages either (I pride myself on keeping negotiations short). So what gives? Lately I have been farting just for the mili-second of asshole relief it offers. I’ve even taken to bitting and swallowing my fingernails so that my turds can scratch their way out...all to no avail. Look, I know that there are products out there to help, believe I’ve tried them: from Anusol to Asshole-Itch-Be-Gone. Nothing. No help. Waking up with my finger three quarters of an inch scratching up the pipe is not doing my marriage any favors either. Maybe I’ll just have to quit getting butt-fucked.


1 comment:

  1. Does Jennifer have to wake up to you scratching yourself?? Yikes. Maybe you need to use more lube from now on, before you partake in back door action.