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My ass has been really itchy lately. There’s no other way to say it. I know this happens to everyone at some point but Jesus Christ, I can’t get any relief. Don’t come at me like I don’t have a thorough cleansing strategy either because that is bullshit. I use baby-wipes, I dab-not wipe, I don’t force out involuntary hostages either (I pride myself on keeping negotiations short). So what gives? Lately I have been farting just for the mili-second of asshole relief it offers. I’ve even taken to bitting and swallowing my fingernails so that my turds can scratch their way out...all to no avail. Look, I know that there are products out there to help, believe I’ve tried them: from Anusol to Asshole-Itch-Be-Gone. Nothing. No help. Waking up with my finger three quarters of an inch scratching up the pipe is not doing my marriage any favors either. Maybe I’ll just have to quit getting butt-fucked.
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Does Jennifer have to wake up to you scratching yourself?? Yikes. Maybe you need to use more lube from now on, before you partake in back door action.
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