You know how it's 99% disgusting to throw-up? It stinks, burns, splashes everywhere, makes your eyes water, and cramps up your stomach muscles. BUT, there is the 1%. That far corner of your mind that you don't want to admit is there in the middle of your five alarm fire of hot mess. It is the part that is enjoying the vomiting process. Hopefully, my blog is that 1% .

Friday, December 4, 2009

Dear Zit

Really? Are you still here? I am 39 years old and we are on day 6. At first I was flattered that you thought I was still a teenager, but don't you have somewhere else to be by now? How about on the chin of a 16-1/2 year-old dude waiting to ask a 17-1/2 year-old chick to prom. Look I haven't eaten chocolate, used steroids or masterbated ((excessively))-except for on Saturday, but it was SATURDAY!) and you arrived anyway. You have been a symetrical puss-bag on my asymetrical forehead and it is time for you to go. I have tried popping, lancing, waiting and ignoring but to no avail. Don't you know I'm a neurotic Jew and if you remain a day longer I'm going to assume you are cancerous. Last night there were 10 women at my house playing bunco and as each avoided eye contact, you may as well have been a dagger stabbing my heart. I don't think you are funny anymore. Seriously, why don't you just fuck off.

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