BEIJING (Reuters) – A man who killed and ate what may have been the last wild Indochinese tiger in China was sentenced to 12 years in jail, local media reported on Tuesday.
Holy Shit! That is totally my bad! Look, I had no way of knowing it was the last Indochinese tiger in all of China or I never would have done it. I don’t even have a computer (I’m using my neighbor’s iMac). But, on the other hand, if he was the last Indochinese tiger in all of China, it’s not like he was gonna live forever anyway. And when you think about it, he (I know he was a dude because I pickled his penis, fucking Brad ate his testicles when I passed out from the odor) didn’t even have an Indochinese tigress to mate with because he was the last Indochinese tiger in all of China. I mean I guess he could have gotten a Visa and gone on a bender and fucked the last Indochinese tigress in all of Laos, but that doesn’t even seem remotely possible given the strong resentment of most Laotians towards China since that whole Vietnam debacle. You would think I was doing that friggin’ tiger a favor and how do I get rewarded? Twelve years in the pokie! Buuulllllllllshit! I should have been given a goddam medal. Do you have any idea how hard it is to shoot a tiger from 150 yards with a HK 417?